Earthbound
by Captian Sigma
Summary: A rather strange series of events lands several characters from SEED in some random hotel room. Small twist though, its not the cosmic era anymore. Join the cast as they shirk all morals and responsibility as they try to find a way back to the cosmic era while attempting to have a good time while they're at it.
1. Chapter 1

A/N WARRNING THIS IS DESIGNED TO BE A CRACKFIC AND PRODUCE SOME LOLS AT THE SAME TIME IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THIS LEAVE NOW!

You have been warned…

Yzak sat behind his desk in his office. There was nothing other than paperwork to fill out, most of it was related to his own general misconduct of involving a zaku and a few too many drinks, but other than that there was next to nothing to do due to the end of the war and everything seeming to be stabilizing between earth and the plants.

'This is one of those few times where I would give anything just to see some crazy shit right now.' He thought leaning back in his chair staring out into the hallway.

A green suit recruit ran past his door down the hallway being chased by several 10 gallon water jugs.

'Is that all you've got?'

He sat there for a little bit, clicking out a T.M. revolution song with his pen.

Dearka stuck his head through the open doorway.

"Hey Yzak, the water boy screwed up again." He said as if he just got done laughing at someone's misfortune.

"Yeah, I noticed."

"The water jugs broke open a safe."

"And I should care why?"

"Oh I thought we might raid the safe and see what kind of plot device… I mean military secrets we can discover."

"We're in the military smart one, any secrets there are we likely know."

"But they probably have recordings of all the security footage, especially the female barracks'."

"You go right ahead you 20 year old virgin."

"I already told you I'm not a virgin."

"The one night stand with that natural girl in the brig of that earth forces ship doesn't count."

"How does it not count?"

"She gave you LSD in the peas and laced the bread with Viagra."

"That's how one night stands usually work!" He protested. Though to him it did sound pretty strange.

"You don't still love her do you?"

"Meh, kind of, look if you don't want to help me raid the safe before security comes to seal it up again you can stay here and do nothing you white haired prude."

'Okay I'm in.' He thought

Yzak got up and followed Dearka out to one of the foyers where the safe was.

"You've got to wonder who in their right mind puts a safe containing sensitive information in plain sight?" Yzak asked.

"Well for the longest time, I thought it was a coffee table." Dearka said.

'I always knew you were stupid.' Yzak thought to himself.

Dearka bent down to the open door and picked up a disc drive and put it inside the folds of his black uniform.

"Let's take a look at this." He said as the two walked back to Yzak's office.

Once inside dearka pulled out the drive that was in Yzak's computer and shoved the other one in and switched it on.

Computer code ran all across the screen soon an actual user interface appeared.

"The hell is this?" Yzak asked as the operating system came to full boot.

"Windows Vista?" Dearka said confused.

"Microsoft corporation, well they went bankrupt around 300 years ago so this thing is ancient."

The screen glitched. Then the words countdown initiated appeared on screen.

"Countdown to what?" Yzak demanded to nobody.

The timer hit zero and Dearka And Yzak ceased to exist.

A/N After reading a Gundam seed crackfic, I decided to take a break from my other projects and write a Gundam crackfic of my own just to see what happens. Expect more crazy shit and don't forget to flame.

Inspired by Crack killz and Crack still killz


	2. Chapter 2

Athrun opened his eyes only to see Cagali laying next to him or at least he thought it was her. He reached his arm around to her.

"Yeah Cagali lets try that again." He slurred seductively.

"I don't remember your voice being that deep lacus." The person that Athrun assumed was Cagali said.

"Lacus? What are you talking about have you been reading shipfics again?" Athrun asked puzzled.

Then he realized that the blonde hair was just brown hair reflecting the morning sunlight. The brown hair was no doubt Kira's. Athrun yelped and kicked his way off the bed only to step on Dearka's face who lay on the side of the bed next to a wall. Athrun fell face first onto the cheap red carpeting and took notice of all the empty beer bottles that lay strewn about what Athrun figured was a hotel room.

"What the hell just happened?" Dearka asked as he got up.

"For once I have no idea." Athrun said. "I was in Orb and now I'm here with you three."

Kira got up. Well that's just weird."

"What part of this, the fact that we were sleeping together or the fact that we just broke practically every law of physics known to man?"

"Probably just the whole thing."

"Fuck this I need a shower."

Athrun opened the bathroom door and found Yzak in the bathtub that was filled with bloody ice.

"The hell?"

Yzak woke up and screamed. "THEY TOOK MY KIDNEY!"

"What the hell is going on here?"

"At least its not one where I get raped and commit suicide." Dearka said as he walked past the door

"That's not a crackfic, that's what we call errotic literature." Athrun said.

Kira opened up a closet and discovered Cagali sleeping upright in a tuxedo, his tuxedo.

"Oh god?" Kira said to nobody in particular. As he realized that he had no clothes on.

Dearka opened the mini fridge and plucked a beer from it.

"Real glass… we must be in one of those fancy places." He said twisting the cap off and drinking deeply.

"You need a beer this early in the morning?"Athrun asked.

"Considering all this, I'm going to need it while we try to find out just what happened last night."

Yzak had finally stood up. His left side had been crapily stitched up from where they had taken his kidney. It hurt like a bitch too.

"Ug, do we have any vicoden?" Yzak asked.

"No."

"Do we have any towels?" Kira asked.

"Why."

"Did you not notice I didn't have anything on before.?"

"Now that you mention it, no. But here you go." Athrun handed Kira one of the large white towels.

Dearka finished his beer then he started going through all the draws. Then he stood on a chair and lifted up one of the foam ceiling tiles.

Sure enough there was a pair of pistols and a silver case. He dragged both down and opened the case.

It was full of money 100 dollar bills.

'Wait, dollars? These say federal reserve note on them. There hasn't been a federal reserve since the United states joined the atlantic federation.' He thought.

"Okay does anybody here actually know what happened?" Yzak asked finally walking out of the bathroom.

"If i had to take a guess id say we are on the butt end of a terrible joke involving god or whoever the hell is controlling the space time continuum." Athrun said.

"Do we know where we are?"

"Were in some random hotel room." Dearka said.

"I mean in more broad terms smart one." Yzak snapped back.

Kira walked out to the closed blinds by the bed and threw them back to reveal the shining morning light…and the cityscape below. It was the most odd thing he had seen the building were grand but nothing compared to anything on earth as he knew it. In the sky he saw a few jet trails, but it was nothing compared to the hundreds of trans-atmospheric craft of the world he knew. And in the concrete and asphalt streets below he saw automobiles of past centuries.

He stood there for a while watching the city and eventually the others with him had walked over to see the same spectacle.

"Okay this changes everything." Dearka said.

"Really no shit Sherlock?" Yzak sarkastcly jeered.

"This isn't going to be as easy as catching the next plane back to ORB is it?" Athrun said to himself.

"Okay so we've been thrown into the past to I'd say 2012-ish."

"Oh by the way there's a case full of money and two pistols." Dearka said.

"Oh and Cagali is here too."

"Who's she again?" Yzak asked.

"She's the chief representative of Orb."

"Well I don't think I actually met her."

"I think you actually saved her life back in the first war. You killed that grim reaper mobile suit saved her."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Yzak said.

"He probably doesn't, I've seen him before he goes into battle he takes about 4 stim packs."

"So that's why he was always screaming over the com channels."

"So what do we do?"

"Why exactly is she asleep?"

"I thought Yzak's feminine scream would have woken her up."

Athrun moved over to the tuxsedo suited Cagali licked her lips."

He winced. And Dearka looked away.

"Look, if you two are going to get it on let me leave first."

"It's not like that… I tasted GHB on her."

"GHB?"

"Someone was planning to date rape her?"

"It would seem so unless she takes it recreationally, which I doubt. It tasted fresh so whoever drugged her did it only a few hours ago while we were still asleep."

"You think we oughta leave yet?" Athrun asked.

"Yeah, this scene isnt going much of anywhere."

"Well we're not going to get back home standing here." Dearka said raching for what he assumed were car keys on the coffee table. 'Whoever dropped us in at least had the decency to give us transportation.

"Wait you're not supposed to be a proactive character." Kira said.

"So what, I hardly had any character development so who says I can't be proactive."

Rather than start a debate over the canonicity of Destiny they decided to just leave the hotel room and find the car that had been left with them. Dearka carried the case full of money and the pistols Mexican style. Athrun carried Cagali and Yzak and Kira took all the contents from the fridge.

They suck out of the lobby neglecting to pay and after hitting the alarm a few times on the key fob. They found their car. A black SUV.

They piled in with Athrun taking driver Kira taking shotgun with Yzak Dearka and Cagali in the back. They started it up and left the hotel parking lot and out into whatever city they had been left in.

"So what were you doing in orb Athrun?"

"The usual, hang around every hole in the wall bar on the beach trying to forget about the war then come home late and get berated by Cagali."

"Forget about the war… I actually think I know a place where we can attempt that."

"There's a place further west with all the prostitutes…I…I mean fun we could ask for." Dearka said. "A place called Las Vegas."

They had all heard the name it was a city in North America that from they're time was part of the earth alliance. It didn't suffer much damage from zaft invasion forces but when Junius seven fell it was all but obliterated along with much of the Mohave area.

But in the early 2010's such a catastrophe had yet to happen. So it seemed the perfect place for them to head. They had no idea how they got to this time period so they were going to wing it and have the blast they never had with the bloody valentine wars. Who knew? They might get sent back at any moment so they were determined to completely cut loose.

All but Yzak, he knew that there was something greater at work here. There was a reason why his kidney was gone, there was a reason there were pistols with the case of money. He was certain Everything meant something, and he was going to find the people who robbed him of his organ, get it back and teach them a new meaning of pain and suffering.

**A/N I know that took forever but hey what can I say? Nothing much really.**


End file.
